Three Sentence Response
By Tanya Bennion
I want to share my love. I want to bear my testimony. I want to help. And, I have about three sentences in which to do it before the conversation has moved on or I've been shut down. What am I going to say? Think quickly!
It's becoming more and more frequent that I hear my friends and family members question teachings and doctrine of the restored gospel. Some of my friends question why they need to go to church when they feel the Spirit more in nature, or they felt the Spirit more strongly when they were having Sacrament Meeting at home during the Covid-19 shutdown of Church meetings. Some of my friends question why the Church won't allow their daughters to hold the priesthood. And still other friends wonder why they must choose between the Church and their romantic feelings. These are all good questions that need answers, but unfortunately, for most of my friends that are questioning, the questions and answers they cultivate, lead them away from the Gospel, away from the Church, and diminish their testimony.
Many of my friends have voiced their questions to me or in front of me or made comments that convey they are on a trajectory that will take them away from the Church. When I've heard these questions or comments, often I'm at a loss for how to respond. There's no time to prepare, there's no time (or openness) for a lecture, and I want them to know I love them and I love the gospel. So how do I respond? So many times, I've figured out the perfect thing to say ten minutes or one hour after the moment has passed. So how can I change that? How can I be ready next time?
I've been thinking about this for a couple of months and I've been working on a three sentence response that I could have ready to use when "that moment" comes the next time. A response that would convey how much I love them while at the same time bearing my testimony of Christ and the restored gospel.
When I was on my mission, my mission president reminded us to always go back to the basics when we had an opportunity to bear our testimonies. Whenever we have a chance, testify of Christ and the restoration of the gospel. These three sentences might have looked like,
"I know Christ lived and showed me how to return to my Father in Heaven. I know Christ died for me so that returning to my Heavenly Father is possible. And it is through Joseph Smith's restoration of the Gospel, that I know the plan of salvation and the path back to my Father.”
But now I think it's more than that. Now I think there might be different sets of sentences, for different situations, for different kinds of "missionary moments" we encounter in our regular lives. A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to hear Camille N. Johnson, Relief Society General President, speak at a fireside. When she was the Primary President in her ward, she was known as the "Tree Hugger." She talked about not focusing on the leaves of the trees, but rather clinging to the trunk of the tree close to the roots. We need to take our testimonies back to the basics and when we focus on the basics, everything else grows from there—after a testimony is rooted firmly, and the tree is strong, then we can focus on the small things like the leaves.
This analogy helped me understand that I don't need just one set of three sentences in my pocket, rather I need three sets of three sentences ready to share.
Set 1: The Trunk
Sister Johnson said, "We need to stay at the trunk of the tree with the roots of the Gospel so we don't get caught out on a limb focused on a leaf that is blowing in the wind created by the philosophies of unbelieving men and women." So, my first set of three sentences needs to be basic, focusing on the root of the Gospel. When Jesus was asked, "Which is the great commandment?...Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." (Matthew 22: 36-39) Our Heavenly Father and our brother Jesus Christ love each of us perfectly because they know us perfectly. I must love as perfectly as I can as well.
Dr. David Hawkins' defined love this way. "[Pure love] is unconditional, unchanging and permanent. It does not fluctuate…[and] is not dependent on external conditions. Loving is a state of being. It is forgiving, nurturing, and supportive. Love is not intellectual and does not proceed from the mind. Love emanates from the heart. It lifts others and accomplishes great feats because of its purity of motive." (Power vs. Force, 90-91) My friend Tyler Moore, said it wonderfully when he said, "The community that ultimately shows the most love will be the one that wins the hearts." ("Being True to Myself", Voices of Hope, 184)
My first three sentences need to focus on love. My sentences must convey sincere love, the pure love of Christ, charity. An example of these three sentences might look like,
"I love you. I hear you. I'm here for you."
And if the person is open to it, I would add a fourth sentence, "Your Father in Heaven loves you." My goal is to remain a lighthouse in the storm of their life, so they may find their way back, or stay near the shore while the storm is raging around them. When they feel and know of my love for them, then I have influence in their life and can continue to lift them.
Set 2: The Branches
When my questioning friends, or those that have gone down a different path, know of my love for them, and feel it, and have experienced it, then I can use the second set of three sentences. These beloved friends need to feel Heavenly Father's love for them. Now I have the opportunity to remind them whenever possible, how much their Savior loves them, and that He is there for them. This is when I can bear my testimony of the Savior and His love for them and my friends are more likely to be open to receiving this message. My second set of sentences might look like,
"I love you and I know our Savior loves you and is there for you. Through him, all things are possible. As you trust in Him, and pray to Him, you will feel his love and support surrounding you."
My second set of sentences are not long, they are not preachy. They are a simple and straightforward testimony of my Savior. Through God, all things are possible, and it is His spirit that will touch their hearts as I testify of Christ. My job is simply to love and to testify.
Set 3: The Leaves
Friends that still feel the Spirit, even slightly, can be reminded of times when their Savior and Heavenly Father have been there for them. Many of my friends, while questioning the Gospel and the Church and the path they are on, have forgotten how much the Savior guides their lives and how much He is in the details.
A recently divorced friend called and wondered why a loving God would make her go through all that she did. Why did she have to endure so much pain in her marriage for so long, only to have it end in such a brutal and tragic manner? Near the end of the conversation, I was able to remind her that because of all she went through, she is stronger and more confident and ready to face anything that life throws at her now. The information she continues to learn about her marriage and their relationship would not have been revealed if the marriage had ended earlier. Because of the way things played out, she is able to recognize the verbal abuse she endured during her marriage was his stuff and not her fault. She is able to recognize that she was being gaslighted, that she was not the one in the wrong in certain situations. Her Heavenly Father was watching out for her. Now she is able to see clearly, where if it had ended earlier, she would have seen through the glass darkly.
In the past, I've wanted to share my love, bear my testimony, and help all at the same time. And although that is a worthy desire, it's not always the best approach. It's only when the trunk and roots are strong and there is growth on the limbs, that I can focus on the leaves. It's only then that I can share my final set of 3 sentences. Sentences that might look like,
"I love you. Your Savior loves you. Because of X, Y and Z, I know the Savior is walking this path with you. Can you see how He has helped you through X, Y and Z?"
The more I live my life, and the more I witness and have received of my Savior's love, the more I'm convinced that the Lord's timing is benevolent and perfectly timed. There is important timing in our relationships with others as well. I was able to have this conversation (the third set of three sentences) with my friend because she knew I loved her and she knew her Father in Heaven loved her. Line upon line. Set upon set.
I think I'm ready for the "next time" now. As I remember to hug the trunk of the tree, I know that I can begin at the basics and expand as the Spirit directs. My job is to love and the Spirit takes it from there. As I continue to grow my own testimony and as I focus on loving everyone around me, I know that the Lord will guide my words.
Love God. Love myself as God does. Love my neighbor as God does. This set of three sentences are God's greatest commandments.